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Joke of the Day

"Context is everything ""Jesus loves you!"" A lovely thing to hear in church. Not so much in a Mexican prison."

"The worst part about going to concerts is realizing people you'd otherwise think are freaks actually share your taste in music."

"When asked about his religious beliefs, Donald Trump states that he... ""definitely believes in a higher tower""."

"They don't bury an Amish man with his beard. They bury him with shovels."

"[assembling baby's cot] Wife: take that bit off Me [reluctantly removing the machine gun turret]: so anyone can just walk in here then"

"What kind of bees make milk? Milk-makin' bees."

"If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding."

"Two red blood cells met and fell in love but alas, it was in vein."

"My buddy drowned the other day I placed a life jacket in his coffin It's what he would've wanted"

"I've always wanted to pursue a career in self-deprecating humor I'd go for it if I wasn't so fucking stupid."