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Joke of the Day
"What's big, green and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A pool table."
Next Joke
"I got 99 karma but link ain't one."
"Why does ISIS wear condoms when they have sex? So they can fuck two goats at once!"
"[interview] Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Me: ""OMG I'M NOT A PSYCHIC THE SIGN SAID NO SKILLS REQUIRED!"""
"There is no ""g"" in paradigm. ""You're thinking of phlegm,"" she says. Well now I am."
"At the end of the day, it's 11:59pm."
"What do you call an ape that's both extremely frugal and fearful? A cheap pansy"
"A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it."
"Life is like a hardcore drug. I've taken several."
"Obama: Dave, it's Barack, we have an updog situation at the white house. Cameron: What's updog? *Obama high fives entire oval Office*"