86528

Joke of the Day

"If you can't handle me at my Walmart, you don't deserve me at my Target."

"What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police? A small medium at large."

"A crazed fan attacked Miley Cyrus at a recent concert. Damn, I would have LOVED to have seen the look on her gums."

"What does velcro yell as it charges into battle? ATTACH!"

"Why did Popeye beat up the Pope? He heard he was going to Mount Olive"

"I want to make a puzzle that says ""Get a job"" after its completed."

"Edward Snowden was discovered trapped inside of one of his ski lodges this Saturday, November 19th. ""Edward Snowden Snowed in Snowden Snow Den."""

"[guy in charge of naming superheroes] Superman, next Batman, next Wonder Woman, next Aquaman, next *takes a hit of acid* Green Lantern"

"If I'm on a date and can't think of anything to say I just make it look like I'm busy trying to figure out what a smell on my fingers is"

"Leaving restaurant: ""That was lovely"" Outside: ""Well, it was okay"" In car: ""I mean, it wasn't great"" Back home: ""We won't go there again"""