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Joke of the Day

"A woman walks into a bar... ...and ruins the joke."

"What did the great Ape shout to the pilots who tried to shoot him off the skyscraper? Listen hotshots don't monkey around with me!"

"Say what you want about Floyd Mayweather. He won't be able to read it anyway."

"Att'n birds in my yard: the one to the LEFT of the feeder is for drinking, the one to the RIGHT is for bathing. Get it together you guys."

"Yesterday, I beat a guy rather seriously. At the end, I even gave him stomach hits on his foot."

"My girlfriend and I were fighting in the car We glared at eachother and I thought neither of us would back down, but in the end we struck an Accord."

"Your mum is soooo Dark that when she puts lipstick on she looks like... Knight Rider!"

"Isn't this whole Ashley Madison hack exactly what their users wanted? To get fucked by a third party?"

"Why didn't the hipster want to see the Saint John River and the Penobscot River? They're two Maine streams."

"What is a pirates nightmare date? A girl with a sunken chest and no booty"