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Joke of the Day
"What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is level"
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country? He joined the Marine Corpse."
"Why don't Junior League debutantes like group sex? Too many Thank You notes to write."
"""Oh, are you driving?"" -Good question to ask someone as they force you into their trunk"
"Q: What's gray and comes in pints? A: An elephant."
"You guys know that dude Jesus? Yeah, I heard he was a real thorn in the Romans' side"
"*blows bubbles in your face to distract you as I take all of your tater tots*"
"When I say ditto after someone tells me they love me, it doesn't mean I love them. It means I love me too."
"I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since."
"I saw Tom Hanks today so I asked him for his autograph. He just wrote Thanks."