219400

Joke of the Day

"""Oh, are you driving?"" -Good question to ask someone as they force you into their trunk"

"*looks up from phone* ""Kids!! we're leaving the playground in 22 percent."""

"Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious."

"My stats teacher told me I was average. I thought that was mean."

"I'm not a mechanic so I don't know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people."

"There aren't enough hours in the day to put off the things I don't want to do"

"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a GYM when it's FREE to not exercise."

"Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark."

"Why didn't the rock make it to work today? He was stoned"

"Michael Jackson loves the holiday season It starts with Black Friday, and it ends with a White Christmas. I'll show myself out."