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Joke of the Day

"And the Lord said to Peter 'Come forth and receive eternal life' Peter came fifth and won a toaster."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? Noeyedeer."

"Heart of a lion My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo."

"How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?? When she starts fitting in your wife's clothes!!"

"I'm happiest when people tell me ""Don't be a hero"" because there's absolutely no way I'm going to disappoint them."

"A narcissist walks into a bar... The rest of the joke doesn't matter."

"Transform chocolate into a balanced meal by eating it standing on one leg WITHOUT falling over. Chocolate yoga: it's the next big thing."

"How do you get an fat chick into bed? Piece of cake. Stolen from /u/No1ReallyCares' comment"

"What do Buddhists eat to help keep themselves balanced both physically and spiritually? Cottage chi"

"Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you've never been married and you love spending time with him?"