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Joke of the Day

"And the Lord said to Peter 'Come forth and receive eternal life' Peter came fifth and won a toaster."

"How does a Liverpudlian get to work... He doesn't."

"How many cops does it take to push a Black person down the stairs? None. He *fell*...."

"Fill in the blank: Friends are like_____ mine is ""Friends are like trees, if you hit them with an axe they fall over."""

"How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to hold the penis. I mean, ladder."

"I may not be Dairy Queen, baby, but I'll treat you right!"

"How do you confuse a blind person? Toss them a basketball and ask them to read it."

"Boy monster: You've got a face like a million dollars ! Girl monster: Have I really ? Boy monster: Yes - it's green and wrinkly !"

"My wife wanted to spice up our sex life. So she asks me if I wanna have a threesome. I said, ""Sweetie. If I ever have sex with two women at the same time..... neither one is gonna be you."""

"How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber? You ask them to pronounce unionize."