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Joke of the Day

"This orange does not taste right... I think I'm gonna put it back in the crayon box."

"Your dog is better than your wife. Don't believe me? Lock them both in your trunk for an hour and then see who's happy when you open it."

"I recently got a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, ""I don't know. I don't speak Chinese."" Then when people ask me what it means..."

"I got a phone call from a girl saying ""Come over! No one's home!"" I went over and no one was home -Rodney Dangerfield"

"I'm good at making friends. Wait, that's not right. Correction: I'm good at making friends up."

"Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question...... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard."

"Can't figure out if my dad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense! ""The green one dad, not the Red one!"""

"I have Alzheimer's disease. But at least I don't have Alzheimer's disease!"

"I want to make a joke about screamo music... But there was no rhyme or reason to it."

"We're an eclectic bunch here, but we all have one thing in common: We've sacrificed the chance to run for public office with these tweets."