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Joke of the Day

"3 legged Dog A 3 legged dog walks into an old western salon, looks around, and says ""I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."""

"Humans are like ketchup on a steak People look at you funny when you eat them"

"'I've never done this on a first date before' I say as I start vacuuming his place"

"Did you hear about the confused question mark? He couldn't figure out how he got a period."

"I asked my dad what the deadliest weapon known to man is. He said 'you came out of it'."

"It's not fair that lab animals get to test all those nice cosmetics while I'm stuck using the cheap stuff."

"Old man Johnson and his world-champion pole vaulting neighbor are really one in the same... They both grip their sticks and try to get it up."

"What brand should suicidal people clearly avoid? Nike. Their motto says just ""Just do it""."

"Old Testament: Death, plagues, vengeance New Testament: Forgiveness, love, wants you to call home Having a kid really mellowed God out."

"It's mean to give a homeless person money for food without giving him money for a phone too... How do you expect him to Instargram the food?"