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Joke of the Day

"If your kid's shitty kindergarten drawing is hanging on your fridge, you are an enabler of mediocrity."

"I've been staring at this bench press for 3 days now and I feel exactly the same. This ""Weight Watchers"" shit is a hoax."

"What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? A naked blonde doing cartwheels."

"Yes, your honor, but in my defense I thought he was stung by a jellyfish"

"My hair is 100% organic, but it has been tested on animals. Portions may have been used to drape over cats' heads to make little wigs."

"What did the knife say to the pretty lady? Nothing, she knew what was coming..."

"Boss: I suspect one of you is dead [Everyone looks at me, except for Paul, who is not moving at all]"

"What's sadder than a dying puppy? A black child on father's day"

"Doctor Doctor I tend to flush a lot. Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!"

"Did you hear about the mathematician who hated negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them."