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Joke of the Day

"Am I original? -Yeaaah. Am I the only one? -Yeaaah. Do you wanna build a snowman? -Go away, Anna. Ok byyyyye."

"Broken Window Wife: You need to fix the bathroom window, then neighbor can see me every time I shower. Husband; I know, he saw you and called me to tell me he's paying for the window repair."

"Did you hear about the guy that got married to a T.V. antenna? I guess the wedding was boring, but the reception was great."

"Whenever I'm depressed, I go to the roof at night, watch the view, reminisce, look at the stars and be touched by the lord.... ..the land lord.."

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up someone's ass."

"Dance like the picture's not being tagged. Love like you've never been unfriended. Tweet like no one's following."

"She was upset when I gave her 4 quarters rather than dollar... It has the same value. It doesn't make any cents."

"I'm trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he's pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit."

"I recently got very addicted to skiing My doctor told me I'm going down a slippery slope"

"I had to roll the passenger window up by hand in my friend's antique 320i like a goddamned Neanderthal, so I totally understand poverty."