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Joke of the Day

"What do you tell someone who feels that life has shorted them from a purpose or calling? You belong."

"I would like to tell you a remarkably sophisticated joke........... What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, because they were both stuck up cunts."

"*boss walks in Me: I lost my contact Boss: Why are you naked & why is Greg under your desk? Me: Boss: Me: Shut the door when you leave"

"A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup, and the doctor says, ""You need to stop masturbating."" ""Why?"" the man asks. The doctor replies, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink"

"Wife: ""Was that lightning?!"" Me: ""No, they're taking pictures for Google earth..."""

"What does the H. in Jesus H. Christ stand for? Hallmark. God cares enough to send the very best."

"what do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowtain. Edit: meowntain. Happy now??"

"When my phone rings, I stay very, very still. If I don't move, it can't see me."

"Please help me with a punchline to: ""How do you find an amish guy on the internet..."" I've got nothin, but I feel like there could be something there. Any help is appreciated."