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Joke of the Day

"An adult man named Todd just told me I could call him Big T, that was 9 minutes ago. I'm staring at him waiting for the punch line."

"Find someone who shares your values & dreams- but likes a different kind of dipping sauce for chicken strips so you don't have to share that"

"If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug... Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work."

"My ex-girlfriend always used to tell me I only think with my penis. A small part of me thinks she might have been right.."

"i'm sorry but hating something that lots of people love doesn't automatically make u an interesting person"

"I haven't shaved my beard in a couple days It's starting to grow on me"

"My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for my birthday I don't think they understood when I said "" I wanna watch"""

"[Dr.] ""Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you'll die"" *slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth* ""Don't do it"" *eats cheese* *dies*"

"I hope I don't have to face rich French Renaissance citizens as enemies in video games. They would be overpowdered."

"Told my wife that Hooters is an owl rescue sanctuary where I'm doing important volunteer work."