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Joke of the Day

"Told my wife that Hooters is an owl rescue sanctuary where I'm doing important volunteer work."

"PSA: If you've got an Islamic dog... Muslim"

"How do you know when you're REALLY drunk ? ANS - When you are lying face down in your front lawn and you have to hold onto the grass to keep from falling off."

"me: remember how i was talking about getting a xylophone [doctor holds up my x-ray] where the hell are your ribs? me: im trying to tell you"

"What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones? Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes."

"How do punctuation marks get freaky? The comma sutra"

"Parenthood is where you spend 18 years saying no all because of that one critical time you said yes."

"If you're a registered sex offender, do you get a discount?"

"I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone."

"Meanwhile, in Facebook, Greta, who dislikes the gays, is about to get a big surprise from her son and his ""roommate"" of 20 years."