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Joke of the Day

"I wrote a book about a man that chokes to death on his own fart. I've called it: ""Gone With The Wind""."

"I shoudl not be expected to put my knee on the ground to propose to a woman, the same ground where the animals shit,"

"Whoa! I just looked it up and all teachers below 5th grade are actually required by federal law to use Comic Sans."

"I didn't feel like putting a lot of effort into a costume this year. I wore the bottom half of a donkey costume. I decided to half ass it this halloween"

"What do you call a woman with a very round head? Sophia. (sphere) it works best spoken"

"A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat... The bartender yells, ""Hey, give that back!"""

"What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar ? Robbery with violets !"

"Try not to remember that your brain is the pilot of a meat robot that can't do twenty pushups without dying."

"My girlfriend said things needed spicing up a bit in the bedroom, so she introduced me to pegging. It did the trick we've been together ten years now. Give or take."

"I got a job at the circus. I had to circumcise the elephants. The wages weren't great but the tips were enormous."