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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar ? Robbery with violets !"

"Why are tamales a Christmas tradition? So Mexicans have something to open on Christmas"

"ME: Michaelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back? GF: Yep M: [2 hours later] How did he reach the bit between his shoulders?"

"So a midget psychic broke out of jail the other day... the headlines read ""small medium at large"""

"Somebody asked me if I was the Michelin man. It must be my *at-tire*."

"I'm working on my second million, since I failed so much at the first."

"I like my bagels like I like my women; lightly toasted with sesame seeds and a little butter. I don't understand this joke format."

"*stands over dads casket* ""Mom isn't doing well, dad."" *puts hand on dad's shoulder* ""You need to stop building caskets. It's creepy."""

"My Dad's Maths Joke: Why do programmers confuse Christmas and Halloween? Because Dec 25 is Oct 31 Edit: corrected because I'm a fucking tool"

"I had lunch at Uri Geller's house the other day... It was terrible. I ended up with soup all down my front."