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Joke of the Day

"Invited a homeless guy to Thanksgiving dinner this morning, so when he shows up at your place, let him in."

"Please pray for me: I recently found out that nobody's praying for me"

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey!"

"*robbers burst into bank* EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UPDOG *bank manager frowns* What's updog? WE'RE ROBBING THIS BANK WHAT'S UP WITH YOU"

"A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand The monk says, ""Make me one with everything."""

"I dont downvote It's bad karma."

"I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special."

"I tried to convert to Judaism, but they rejected me when they found out I was uncircumcised. I guess I just didn't make the cut."

"Why do you want your lawyer to be a U2 fan? Cos they're always pro-Bono"

"How much do deer nuts cost? Under a buck"