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Joke of the Day
"Why do people paint eggs for Easter? Bunnies squirm too much."
Next Joke
"Me: Tell me about your weekend. Bob: Why? You never ask. Me: I find your voice acts like a laxative. Bob: That's disgus- Me: It worked! Bye."
"Where's the school for the blind? ... It's hard to see."
"*tries online dating* Oh...oh no *tries real life dating* Ok this is actually worse somehow"
"Guys, I really think 50 Shades missed out on a really a big marketing slogan... ""CLIMAX IN IMAX"""
"I slept with a girl the other day, she called me daddy. I guess I have a Freudian prick"
"One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, He said ""here's a picture of me when I was younger."" I responded ""Every picture is of you when you were younger."" -Mitch Hedberg"
"What do you call a Jewish baby in the womb? A bun in the oven."
"Show me a man who calls himself a vegan, ...and I'll show you a man who's trying to shag a vegan."
"Chicago is the cleanest city in the world right now... BECAUSE IT JUST GOT SWEPT!!!!!!!!"