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Joke of the Day

"They say parrots don't like change... So you could that they are very right-winged."

"[caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit"

"What's the worst part about eating out an 80 year old? Depends"

"What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa? Prom"

"A joke I made up in middle school Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Because Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper!"

"An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes."

"My girl must be planning a big April fools joke or something. She's been agreeing w/ me all morning. Either that or she got mad cow disease."

"Hub: Let's go see a movie Me: Ok. How bout this one? *points* H: Why do we have to see a movie with subtitles? I didn't do anything wrong."

"Why is Islam a religion of peace? Well.. because Obama said so."

"Did you hear about the Polack that crashed a helicopter? He was getting cold, so he turned off the fan"