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Joke of the Day

"Why does beer go faster through you than milk? Unlike milk it doesn't have to change color. Why does Budweiser go faster through you than beer? Unlike beer it doesn't have to change taste."

Next Joke
 
"I can't cook with spices right now... ...I just don't have the thyme."
"[first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty"
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"My Grandmother always leaves long voicemails. Its 5 minutes of her talking and 10 minutes of her trying to hang up the phone."
"Superwife! Gets pissed faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than your longest friendships. Leaps your decisions in a single bound."
"You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly."
"Hey...quick question, fellas: Does it still count as leg day if you just shaved them?"
"They said I'd miss my family I never miss at close range."