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Joke of the Day

"Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch."

"[1st date] Her: we should keep religion out of this *religion gets up & leaves the table* Me: see what u did? *I get up and chase after it*"

"I live in the United States. Upon taking some classes in France I notice a gorgeous bombshell pass me. I check her out hard. I guess you could say I was really studying a broad."

"A shark can sense a drop of blood from 3 miles away, and a mom can sense you're not getting enough to eat from 10,000."

"My girlfriend called me pedophile earlier. That's a big word for an eight year old"

"If I had a dollar for every time Hillary said ""making the economy work for everyone, not just those at the top""... ...the economy would work for me."

"""The Walking Dad,"" but it's just a guy walking around the house turning off lights and muttering that he's ""not made of money"""

"What Austrian girls and wine have in common? Both mature in a cellar."

"When my wife and I have a disagreement, I always have the last word... usually it's, ""Yes Dear"""

"I asked a pregnant woman what cup size she was. She said 500ml."