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Joke of the Day

"A shark can sense a drop of blood from 3 miles away, and a mom can sense you're not getting enough to eat from 10,000."

"This morning they were out of cinnamon buns at the coffee shop so I asked for an antonym bun. I hate when people roll their eyes."

"I don't want to tell you how to run your company, Hostess, but liquidating just as weed becomes legal seems like a bad business decision."

"The ultimate aphrodisiac? Rohypnol ""An aphrodisiac is a substance that increases sexual desire"" Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphrodisiac http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flunitrazepam"

"""And on the seventh day God rested""... because even omnipotent beings need rest too, ya know."

"I'd make a joke about the Hindenberg, but... I feel like it would *crash and burn*."

"So when I went to buy my new phone, the Extravert, I asked if there was an Introvert... and they handed me a book."

"What did the Iraqi boy say to his father when he got home from school? I forgot my Bagdad."

"Why did the girl put pop rocks down her pants To get that pussy poppin"

"If I had a time machine I'd take 17 dollars to 1901 and buy several luxurious homes. Related: does anyone have a time machine and 17 dollars"