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Joke of the Day
"What's the definition of ""trust""? Two cannibals doing 69."
Next Joke
"Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures."
"ME: *taking their hand* It's okay. We all struggle with connecting. RABBID RACCOON: *hissing & desperately trying to wrench its hand free*"
"Calm down girls, it's Starbucks. They sell coffee, not unicorn blood."
"Today's youth are getting worse.. Today's youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle"
"""The actor who plays the villain in No Country For old Men was causing trouble in my bar last night."" ""Javier Bardem?"" ""No, but I will if he does it again."""
"How come I can get free wifi with a $3 cup of coffee but I can't get it with a $150 hotel room?"
"Giving a bear my power of attorney."
"Need relationship advice! I'm trying to get my wife into role playing but she gets really upset when I suggest she be played by Emma Stone."
"How do Iranians speak on the telephone? Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person)."