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Joke of the Day

"The string of expletives that poured from my mouth when I woke up at 3 pm to realize my alarm didn't go off was pure smut poetry"

"Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo? They only had two cars."

"On this day in history, Cocoa Puffs were invented about 3 hours after that rabbit finally got his hands on a bowl of Trix."

"God must be a woman Because just like my wife, she's always right"

"How do you know Jesus was Jewish? He lived at home until he was 30. He went into his fathers business. He thought his mother was a virgin, and his mother thought he was god."

"Just bought a guitar. The sale felt a little dodgy, lots of strings attached."

"What do you call an affectionate island? Isle of view"

"A Neckbeard Approaches a Cancer Patient at a Bar... He tips his fedora and says, ""Malady."""

"Me and a buddy went to an amputee party It was crawling with pussy."

"Sure I named my black cat Blackie and my grey cat Grey, but you need to be a little less obvious with babies. Isn't that right, Mistake?"