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Joke of the Day

"Just started listening to Fall Out Boy. They're more than I bargained for."

"This Joke Won't Get This Upvotes"

"Did you hear about the triple-amputee who pitched in the majors? He was slow around the bases, but that boy had an arm on him!"

"What's long hard and has semen in it? A submarine!"

"Once you've mastered being a surgeon... ... operating just become an exercise in patients."

"There's a serial killer in our house! Normal people: ""CALL THE POLICE, LETS GET OUT OF HERE!"" - In movies: ""Lets go find him"" -___-"

"My entire day will be spent laughing at my children because they have to go back to school tomorrow.."

"Kids these days can't do shit without #Google. When I was a kid I didn't have Google. So, I pretty much couldn't do shit."

"Ugly is such an ugly word. If you must describe me I'd prefer if you used the term ""handsomely-challenged"""

"People say size doesn't matter... But I'd like her better if she didn't have a dick at all."