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Joke of the Day

"I asked Jesus what he did before he died He said ""Not much. I was just getting hammered and hanging out all day."""

"What do you call a farting fatass? Gas giant."

"Want to hear my favorite joke? 729271"

"What happened when a heart robs a bank? It gets put under cardiac arrest."

"*Nerdy guys phone rings* JOCK: ""Who was that, your girlfriend?"" *Everyone laughs* NERD: ""Nope. It was yours."" *Dead silence*"

"DAD JOKE: Do you know where you get water from? Well..."

"Went to the opticians today leaving with them telling me my eye sight is better than 20/20. So when I say you look like a C*NT, i think i know what i'm talking about."

"Just learned an important lesson: When texting ""wish you were here,"" that last e kind of makes it or breaks it."

"What does the Starship Enterprise have in common with toilet paper? They both circle Ur-anus in search of cling- ons. Boom! Still got it."

"Apparently ""I'll break your god damn legs"" isn't the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway."