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Joke of the Day

"Want to hear my favorite joke? 729271"

"Do you have oxygen and potassium? Because you seem OK. I'm not sorry"

"What was the border patrol agent's greatest regret? The Juan that got away."

"""These boobs are made for walking!"" -Inventor of FootBoobs."

"There are so many songs that tell us how to breathe. It's like musicians and songwriters have never heard of the autonomic nervous system."

"I got my born-again mother an FML shirt for Christmas. Telling her it means Father, My Lord."

"My GF was brutal when we moved. Told me anything not used in the past 6 months had to go... I just looked down and gave my condolences"

"The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing ""Stay With Me"" into a megaphone."

"When Catwoman gets older, does she become Cougarwoman?"

"*ex GF pulls up to drive thru where I work* ""Big mac please"" ""Would u like LIES with that?!"" *my boss dragging me away* ""LIES, LUCY.. LIES!"""