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Joke of the Day

"How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark"

"Maturbating when hooked up to a heart monitor really gets the nurses running around. They never know if you are coming or going."

"How do you know if somebody does crossfit? They are probably in better shape than you."

"I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet."

"What was Carl Sagan really trying to say about the brain? In Soviet Russia, consciousness regulates the cerebral cortex."

"Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I'm mostly terrified by how I'll never be able to afford to own a home."

"If I ever had the chance to name a new road, I'd call it ""Skin Road"". Just so I could laugh at the people living at number 4"

"What does a Redhead with a yeast infection like to do in her spare time? Make Gingerbread"

"What goes great with noodles? COMPANY!"

"What does Deadpool need? Someone to merc him shut up."