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Joke of the Day
"Why does the NSA only do anal? Because they backdoor their way into everything."
Next Joke
"[after solid first date] Ok play it cool, don't wanna seem too eager.. *texts her 47 years later* ""Had a great time the other night :)"""
"[First day working in a warehouse] ME: What's that machine for? ""Oh, that's the forklift"" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS??"
"The entire history of athletic competition boils down to ""Hey y'all watch this!"""
"Ultimately, even the mighty invincible Achilles was killed with a bowshot to his foot. Time wounds all heels"
"I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze."
"February 29th is just like a dead beat dad. It only shows up every four years."
"""Do you want to go out on a date?"" *sweats nervously* I C-CAN'T ""Why?"" *shoots friend next to him* I HAVE TO GO TO A FRIEND'S FUNERAL"
"Coconut water: for people who love the taste of piss but don't wanna deal with the social stigma of drinking it."
"Wanna hear a short joke ? Wanna hear another one ?"