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Joke of the Day

"Life is like a box of chocolates... It's expensive, you don't like half of it, and sometimes you can give the whole thing to a woman and she still wont have sex with you."

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"""Egocentric"" is an anagram of ""Geocentric"" I guess the world really does revolve around me..."
"What do you call an Egyptian with a gastrological disorder? Toot Uncommon."
"A raconteur walked into a bar theres more to life then meets the eye"
"When a chemist says you're gold...... ......it just means you're easily replaceable"
"She wants to know what I accomplished on my day off, but when I show her she yells at me for not flushing. Marriage is hard."
"My wife and i lost 150 pounds combined! Shes much prettier without those other 149 weighing her down"
"I'm not a competitive person I'll be the first to admit it."
"What's the name of the yoga pose where you're hunched over your kitchen sink shoving handfuls of cereal into your mouth?"
"Let's have phone sex over walkie talkies. ""Bend over."" ""Bend what? Over."""