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Joke of the Day

"My parents are really against my candlemaking habit. One day, I came home, and saw that they had thrown away all of my parrafinalia."

"My mom was in a horrible car accident on her way to pick up lunch today. It's really bad guys, I need your prayers. I'm so hungry."

"If I had a dollar for every time I ever thought of you, I'd probably start thinking about you."

"What did the computer do with his overgrown gardens...? Mowed 'em."

"[Worm sitting alone] WAITER: Dinner for 1? Dumb question W: But- *worm cuts self in half* *waiter shrieks* 2nd WORM: I'll have the prime rib"

"Did you hear about the Hunger Games character who got eaten alive in the Middle East? Poor Peeta..."

"What did the leper say to the hooker? keep the tip. ;)"

"Life keeps reminding me that I have no idea what I'm doing"

"I'll always remember Granddad's last words to me... ""WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN HERE WITH THAT HAMMER?"""

"What do you call a jerk in the space program? Nasshole."