83524

Joke of the Day

"Why are Twitter jokes not as funny when you read them aloud to a friend? It's not like they had to be there..."

"I was sitting next to a woman on a flight and asked her... >Does the airline company charge you for flying next to good looking men? She responded with >Yes, but this time I decided not to pay"

"Thank you for saying, ""I'm just being honest"" after that horrible thing you just said. I feel better now that I know you meant it."

"Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana ?"

"A lifetime supply of McDonalds is actually pretty short"

"""Love me or hate me, both are in my favor...If u love me, I'll always be in your heart...If u hate me, I'll always be in your mind"" -Shakespeare"

"My tinder profile says I love dogs but then on dates I elaborate that it is hot dogs and corn dogs"

"I'm 99% sure I have trust issues. Though I'm not sure I trust my math. Edit: I grammar well"

"My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that but it's also terrible."

"So I said 'I love you' but he didn't say it back. We haven't spoken since. Maybe he just needs space. Vet: Your cat's fine. You can go now."