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Joke of the Day
"Wife just got me a new tv for Christmas! Looks like my New Years resolution is 1080."
Next Joke
"I used to be a taxi driver. Do you know why I gave it up? I didn't like people talking behind my back!"
"[Sci fi movie] How did you travel such a distance so fast? ""I went through a wormhole."" Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic."
"Rig Sour punch straw contest http://flavors.sourpunch.com that is the link. Make a Kiwi Flavor with Super Sour topping Named Hobae"
"Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? The wedding was lousy, but the reception was great."
"Ever been so drunk that you cooked a pizza at 20 degrees for 350 minutes?"
"My mating call in winter is just me shaving my legs."
"Who's winning Went to visit my Granddad. He was watching a basketball game. ""What's the score Gramps?"" ""92 to 86."" ""Who's winning?"" I asked. ""92"""
"[At crime scene] Detective: You need to take this seriously Me: I am *picks up leg bone* Me: I found this humerus. Lol. D: You're fired."
"My sex life is so complex the biggest part is the imaginary one"