83302

Joke of the Day

"My two year old just learned to say shut up. Coincidentally I just lost all guilt about clothes lining a toddler."

"Listen, kid. When you've spent 4 days eating cat food in a Vietnamese spin-fuck chair for phonics, we'll talk about hooked."

"What do you say to a girl with small tits? NOTHING!"

"My wife & I got into a big fight bc she says I'm always exaggerating. I was so mad I stormed off & tripped over my dick."

"You have to sit up to drink coffee in bed. I know that now."

"Went to buy face moisturizer and the young girl at counter said, ""Lets find something for mature skin."" And then Security had to escort me."

"Your momma so dumb she tried to climb Mountain Dew"

"Do you know what's black and doesn't work? Decaf Coffee."

"I'm surprised they didn't make an all-female Ghost Busters sooner... Busting ghosts at three quarters on the dollar? What a savings!"

"What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB? They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again."