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Joke of the Day
"What's Gollum's favourite food? Scallops, scallops!"
Next Joke
"What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer I give a shit when my computer crashes"
"HOT SINGLES HAVE MIGRATED AWAY FROM YOUR AREA DUE TO CLIMATE CHANGE"
"NORAD tracking Santa? Really? That's what my tax dollars are going to? You're tracking a fictitious fat dude?"
"Why did the chicken cross the ocean? To get to the other tide."
"Bird Seeds 1. Go to the pet store 2. Buy Bird seeds 3. Ask the cashier how long it will take for the birds to grow 4. ??? 5. Profit"
"[BDSM] The other day I came home and found a man tied up on my bed that didn't look like my boyfriend. Whoops, wrong sub."
"Be nice to people on your way up so they won't get suspicious when you're rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport."
"Bought the cheapest possible Mercedes yesterday 'cause I needed to use the bathroom at the dealership."
"""HEY I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY ASLEEP & STUFF, BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M LIKE 22 MILES AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW."" -Trains"