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Joke of the Day
"Trump has a tower? Well Bernie has his towers too. The Twin Towers... They felt the Bern."
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the Wall Street bankers that won the Nobel Peace Prize in Chemistry? They turned the economy into shit."
"Me: Let's go to Chipotle Justin: Hold on. My leg is asleep Me: *whispering* Oh, sorry. Let's go to Chipotle"
"I just got an email that Netzero closed my account due to inactivity, I guess that must have taken 12 years to get here."
"How do you get Dick from Richard? Buy him dinner first."
"What is a cannibal's favorite food? Baked Beings."
"Me: How old is your daughter? Her: She'll be 4 next week. Me: *audible sigh (Slowly, emphatically): OK. But I asked how old is she... NOW."
"*calls wife into the bedroom* *dims the lights* *turns on Marvin Gaye* *sexily sweeps toddler's collection of trucks off the bed*"
"What do you call a dog in a sub? A subwoofer! Now again: What do you call a dog in a sub? Chinese food!"
"My son just handed me a duck & a pig from his puzzle & smiled as if that made us ""even"" for all the food/clothing I've given him."