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Joke of the Day
"Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids? He only comes once a year"
Next Joke
"Bird Seeds 1. Go to the pet store 2. Buy Bird seeds 3. Ask the cashier how long it will take for the birds to grow 4. ??? 5. Profit"
"I wear a neck brace to the gym because it makes my physical ineptitude less embarrassing."
"Someone told me they were getting colored contacts, and I said ""aren't all their eyes just brown?"" that was a complete misunderstanding."
"Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are."
"How do you tell a real Ferrari from a fake one? You take a pocketknife and scrape off some of the paint on the hood. If it's a real Ferrari... someone will kick your ass."
"Man: What can I do you for? Woman: a bottle of wine and cab fare"
"My grandmother is like a fine wine that grows more racist with every year."
"For lunch today I ate three lunches."
"I only had kids so I'd have a valid excuse for always being late"