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Joke of the Day

"I don't want to spoil my autobiography for you. But at the end, you find out that you've just wasted 4.99."

"|(O)| MAARCOOO! ...... (.){"

"This lady cashier asked me if I wanted it ""double bagged""...I said ""No, you're not THAT ugly..."" And that's why I'm not allowed in Target."

"What do you call two Jews walking into a bar? It's called a business proposition. What do you call two black guys walking in to a bar? It's called a robbery"

"My drug dealer just bought me a new pair of sneakers for Christmas I can't tell what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day"

"I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high... She seemed surprised."

"It's impossible to think about uptown funk without getting it stuck in your head... Don't believe me? Just watch!"

"Bottom line: parenting interferes with my ability to be lazy."

"What Sea said to the beach... Nothing it only wave"

"Bud light is like having sex in a canoe It's fucking close to water."