82789

Joke of the Day

"[my fitness dvd] ME: *lifting cans of soup as weights* im using minestrone but you can use pretty much any kind"

"My wife is not buying that autocorrect changed ""You're psychic"" to ""You're psycho."""

"ahhh. this weather takes me back to the glory days of stealing dad's lawnmower & joyriding all day until the squirrels made the blades stop."

"I have the body of a 25 year-old Supermodel Not sure what to do with it in my basement"

"CEO of KFC: ""We must always respect our customers. That is so important."" Ian: ""Shall we still serve them food in a bucket?"" CEO: ""Yes."""

"I'll do algebra, I'll put up with calculus, I'll even push through trigonometry... but graphing is where I draw the line!"

"I like my women like I like my cars ...All black and twenty eight hundred pounds!"

"Words are so powerful; but I never have time to write on my fists before a fight."

"I like my women like my wine... 9 years old and locked in the basement"

"Did you hear what NASA said about the asteroid? [OC] ""No comet."""