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Joke of the Day

"Reports are in that Hugo Chjavez has died....hmmmmm Saddam Hussein Osama Bin Ladden Moammar Gadhafi Kim Jong IL Fidel Castro Hugo Chavez Not good times for my Fantasy Dictator League..."

"What did the necrophile say to his ex-girlfriend? ""I only loved you for your body!"""

"That burrito didn't agree with me. And then I was like ""Why am I arguing with a burrito?!"""

"Me: Please can you get my iPad in the lounge? 5yr: I think you should poo without it. I just play with my fingers and sing and stuff..."

"Why would they add ""twerk"" to the dictionary? People that would use said word can't read."

"I call my nephews ""Dude"" and ""Homie"" because I'm the cool Aunt! (I don't know their names.)"

"What do u call an ethopian with a slice of cheese on his head? A quarter pounder with cheese."

"I need a less intrusive addiction than Twitter so I started using meth this morning."

"Just saw a woman talking on a pay phone. It was so disorienting that for a moment I thought I had been transported to 1990."