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Joke of the Day

"My dad died in Auschwitz He was crushed by a man falling out of a guard tower."

"Just snipped off a toddler's faux-hawk while his mom was in the bathroom at Starbucks, because I give a shit about the future."

"I've never been camping but one time I ordered something from Amazon that wasn't Prime Eligible."

"Lame joke of the day. Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game? He had tripped a fan."

"My Ex-Wife still misses me... BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER! It's funny because marriage is terrible."

"The worst is when you're on a cruise ship that turns into an Autobot to fight a sea monster and you had a decent game of shuffleboard going"

"A child in the coffee shop cried and cried until she was given a cake pop, and as I walked past, I whispered, ""Your technique is flawless."""

"The restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally, but just me getting a pat down from airport security."

"How do you make a double bass sound in tune? Chop it up an turn it into a xylophone"

"How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day? They get their Aaargh-On!"