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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a double bass sound in tune? Chop it up an turn it into a xylophone"

"The US is having so many disasters and tragedies Youd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds. Edit: Hey thanks for the gold stranger!"

"How can people get engaged after dating less than a year? You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker"

"MMO players are the best people in bed. They're good grinders."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a lentil on my face."

"Q: Why did it take the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows? A: It took her six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in."

"GHOST: I'm here to warn you to change your ways before it's too late POLTERGEIST: I'ma open your cupboards"

"People laughed when I said I wanted to be a professional snooker player. They're not laughing now because it was ages ago."

"Son, your father and I have something to tell you - you were adopted. Your new parents are waiting outside in the car."

"Jewish dietary law... Pork and shellfish may be eaten only in a good Chinese restaurant."