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Joke of the Day
"I once had a friend addicted to drinking breaker fluid. He said, ""I can stop whenever I want."""
Next Joke
"What did Jared Fogle say when his wife told him she wanted kids? *Me too*"
"Where on LinkedIn do I add my current gang memberships"
"You can just start calling yourself an olympic hopeful. You don't have to fill out a form or anything."
"So I asked /r/AskScience a question... My post is not yet visible on the forum and is awaiting review from the moderator team."
"Did you hear about the blondes who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They were waiting for ""Closed For The Winter"" to start."
"After kissing a girl in back of the gym for several hours I said, ""You know, this isn't working out."""
"What did the guy with 5 penises say? ""These pants fit like a glove"""
"(Art Museum) Me:*sees nature painting* *pulls out sharpie* *draws sun in the top left corner* My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice"
"[First date] Me: ""So, what do you do?"" Date: ""I'm a librarian."" Me: ""Oh, my bad."" *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*"