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Joke of the Day

"I just called the suicide hotline AND THEY DON'T THINK RUNNING OUT OF MAPLE SYRUP WHILE I'M EATING PANCAKES IS A REASON TO KILL MYSELFFFF!!!"

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"What is white and twelve inches long? Nothing"
"A blind man walks into a bar and a table and a chair."
"""I saw a flock of cows today"" ""Flock of cows?"" ""Yes a flock of cows"" ""Herd of cows?"" ""Of course I've heard of cows, I saw a flock of them!"""
"When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard My second thought is virgin wizard"
"teacher: i'm considering moving the test to next week. you guys down with that? me (too loud): down like the dog at the end of marley & me!"
"how do you get a cat to say like a chicken freeze it and bang it against the table and it says: gog gog gog"
"Want to know how to not get malware? To late, you already clicked the link."
"Adolf Hitler has been judged very harshly by history however.. he did kill Hitler. NB: stolen from Jimmy Carr"
"Girl, is your name Trouble? ...cause your dad tells me I'm in trouble."
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