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Joke of the Day

"Black Friday is the Christian holiday where Jesus rose from the grave at 4am to get in line to purchase a discounted HDTV for his Father."

"I'm glad George Washington didn't live long enough to see his face printed out and rubbed on the ass of every stripper."

"I've had my phone battery die at a family function. Nothing scares me now."

"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."

"When I get home from work, I like to pack myself into really small suitcases. I can hardly contain myself."

"What is the cheapest cut of meat on a deer? The balls, cause they're under a buck."

"God: I need an Ark built. *Jesus lowers sunglasses* Jesus: I Noah guy."

"Why I like molecular-biology porn I watch it for the blot."

"Do you know why Caesar put lettuce in his salad? Oh, just cos."

"Nice tan, what's your race? Carrot?"