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Joke of the Day

"When I get home from work, I like to pack myself into really small suitcases. I can hardly contain myself."

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"Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten gagged whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."
"[ocean's 11 music] So here's the plan,we iron me flat, then slide me into an ATM via the card slot. Once inside, it's a cash playground boys"
"So You Think You're The One Guy Who Can Wear A Fedora Without Looking Like A Douche"
"a PS4 and XBOX One get shot the ambulance comes WII U WII U WII U"
"I slept with a Blind Girl She kept telling me how huge my cock was but I'm pretty sure she was just pulling my leg."
"My son came to my crying today and said, ""Dad, when you are at work, Uncle Dave touches me."" Couldn't believe it.. My own son... A fucking snitch"
"What do you call a man who's always in high spirits? An alcoholic."
"What type of Martial Arts does Jesus know? Jiu Jitsu."
"When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess."
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