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Joke of the Day
"So Twilight jokes - What does a vampire call a used tampon? A teabag."
Next Joke
"Do you know what they feed you at Guantanamo Bay? Well after being there for 30 years, neither do I!"
"I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves. http://imgur.com/gallery/8u6m2Nv"
"You know that brain-dead zone you go to in the middle of a cardio workout? Is that where dogs always are?"
"I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. He will just have to mow around me because I'm not moving.."
"my credit score"
"I hate when someone calls me arrogant. Especially when they're clearly beneath me."
"A day before the elections Hillary tells Bill: ""You know, tomorrow there will be two presidents in one bed."" Next day Bill asks Hillary: ""So.. do I wait Trump here or should I go over to his place?"""
"I'd like to know what Obama or Romney propose to do about YouTube buffering."
"Out with the cat for a walk. We are still at my doorstep. It's been 15 minutes."