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Joke of the Day

"I think I'm a genius.... I just solved a rubiks cube so fast! It only took me 5 minutes and 25 seconds to peel off all the stickers."

"Firestien just came out with a new Jewish tire. It not only stops on a dime, it picks it up too."

"Whats the difference between Donald Trump and a Vacuum? Nothing. Both are really loud, and full of shit."

"If you play a Coldplay song backwards, you'll hear a lot of creepy, Satanic chanting in Latin But if you play a Coldplay song the normal way, you'll hear something much worse. A Coldplay song."

"Pansexuals are like teenagers They eat whatever is in front of them"

"What do you say to a handicapped dog? ""Stay"""

"luke: yoda, i wish for........ your freedom yoda: i'm not a genie. i'm a person like you. i just look really weird"

"Bought some shoes from a drug dealer... Not sure what he laced them with, but I have been trippen' all day."

"Then there was the guy who fell into a vat of molten optical glass after drinking too much. Just two glasses, and look what a spectacle he made of himself."

"Employers are now blocking Twitter at the office. Is there a way I can do that on my home computer? Asking for a guy who should be working."