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Joke of the Day

"Why wasn't the cat moving? It was on paws"

"[bleeding out] ER Doctor: do you know your blood type? ME: I've never really thought about it TBH. As long as it has a good personality"

"Why don't Game of Thrones characters tweet with Twitter? They were ravin' with Raven."

"[Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears throat for 5 minutes*"

"My favorite part of The Bachelor is when a crazy emotional girl starts crying and he'd rather kiss her snot-nosed face than listen to her."

"What is white and lies in the grass? A shleep."

"I like my women how I like my cars Safe and reliable"

"In the game of poker, you have to play the hand you're dealt. Unless it's a literal hand. Then it's a redeal."

"What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium."

"If you were born in Poland and are now taking a piss in England, what are you? European"