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Joke of the Day

"Someone needs to tell drug sniffing dogs about the whole ""man's best friend"" thing."

"Settle down, Levi's commercial. You are talking about pants."

"Why is it that whenever there is two women in a profile pic the hot one is always someone else..?"

"ME: I think I have a get out of jail free card COP: this is a do 1 jail sentence get the next sentence 50% off & it's for our other location"

"It's a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed."

"[text] ""Just saw this! I'd love to go to dinner!"" Him: That was 3 years ago, I have a wife & kid now. ""Bring 'em! Sister Wives is my jam!"""

"What does every ""Tickle Me Elmo"" get before they leave the factory? Two test tickles"

"People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses."

"How can you tell if your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes funny."

"I saw a lady at the gym on the exercise bike, wearing a helmet. So I put on a life jacket and got on the treadmill next to her."